


Sweets for the Sweet

by speccygeekgrrl



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, I wrote this before s12 dropped, Old Friends, but it still kinda works so here, how do we get Donna a canonical tag?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-08-28 16:51:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16727223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/speccygeekgrrl/pseuds/speccygeekgrrl
Summary: It's been a while since Kinga and Donna's paths have crossed. When Synthia expresses doubt that Kinga is worth Donna's attention, the only thing on Kinga's mind is getting one over on her... although that's not the only thing on her mind for very long with Donna playing along.





	Sweets for the Sweet

**Author's Note:**

> HELLOOOOOOOO DONNA. Gosh I've been eager for S12 to drop so I could find out if I can ship this or not. After seeing Donna in the live show I've been lowkey obsessed with her. 
> 
> I wrote this in October for the Smoochtober challenge prompts "fake dating kiss" and "palm kiss".
> 
> There's definitely going to be more of it.

"Donna! You're back!" Kinga said in surprise when the God Monitor activated to display a smartly-dressed woman with glasses and a riot of curly brown hair standing in what looked like a jungle. "It's been a while." 

"My work is never done," Donna said, and from the baby Bigfoot clinging to her side, Kinga could see that it was nothing but the truth. Donna was petting the baby Bigfoot almost absent-mindedly. "I was actually hoping you could help me. I had a new monster come into my care and it's desperately homesick."

"Homesick for what home?"

"For the Moon," Donna said. "It's a moonbeast. Fascinating creature really, it was actually created by a meteor falling to Earth, but I was called in before it could kill more than a handful of people. The poor thing just can't stand a terrestrial clime any more. I've been keeping him in a vacuum chamber, but that's not sustainable given the construction of the Ark-3."

"So you want to let a moonbeast... run around the Moon?" Kinga crossed her arms and arched a brow, and Donna sighed and pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Well, yes. He won't be happy anywhere else."

" _My_ Moon?"

"I suppose it is your Moon now, isn't it? That is why I contacted you instead of simply letting him free on the surface. I can let him loose on the other side if you prefer, but I can't tell you what his range will be, given that he was captured only fifty miles from where he was created."

"Can I see it?" 

"Oh, of course! Here, let me switch the feed..." Donna reached off-screen, and then the image on the God Monitor split-- Donna and the baby Bigfoot on top, and a truly hideous creature on the bottom... which appeared to be chewing on a Kong toy. "I've been trying to keep his environment enriched while I have him. A bored moonbeast is a destructive moonbeast!"

"He definitely looks right up your alley," Kinga said, and Donna beamed.

"Isn't he wonderful? I'm learning so much from him. It's so rare to find a creature who does poorly in planetary atmosphere. The last one I had was the Luna Mothra, and that was before you came to the Moon."

"I guess you can bring him down... if you'll have dinner with me while you're here," Kinga said.

"Only if you don't try to bring me to that hideous dinosaur barbecue place again."

"Well, you'd never mentioned that you were a vegetarian before then, in my defense."

"I can't believe you tried to serve me something I was attempting to get you to let me take on the Ark-3!"

"I said I was sorry about that! How is that feisty little stegosaurus doing, anyways?"

"Oh, Stewart is doing just fine. Now. He did have some PTSD to work through after I took him, but as the top B-movie monster conservationist, I do have a bit of experience with monster psychology." Donna looked down at the baby Bigfoot, rumpled the long fur at the top of its head, and gave it a gentle nudge to make it trundle off into the trees. "So you'll feed me something that never had a face?"

"I can safely make that promise," Kinga said.

"Oh, should I change? I'm... slightly coated in Bigfoot dander. Are you allergic? If you're allergic to cats you'll probably be allergic."

"Not that I'm aware of."

"All right, I'll be along soon then. Do you mind if I just let him go on my way down, or do you want him on the other side of the Moon?"

"Is he going to wreck my moonbase?"

"Oh, no, not at all. Well, he might mark your dome or your landing pad, but it's harmless, really, moonbeast urine isn't even corrosive."

"Charming," Kinga said dryly. "I think you can just drop him now. I'll see you when you get here." The God Monitor went black, and Kinga put a thoughtful finger to her lips. Gosh, when was the last time she'd seen Donna? It had been a while. She had a tendency to take the Ark-3 out into interplanetary space rather than staying near Earth all the time, which... honestly, Kinga got it. Earth was a disaster. Any smart person was either trying to fix it or get away from it. 

"So... Doctor St. Phibes, huh?" Synthia said, and Kinga jumped. One unexpected side effect of increasing Synthia's intellect had been the commensurate increase in her motor skills, the point being that she now moved like a fucking cat and was constantly sneaking up on people, Kinga especially. "She's nice. Too nice for you."

"Excuse me, you have no idea of the history I have with Donna," Kinga said haughtily, annoyed beyond belief that Synthia was exactly right. "She's got a dark side too, you know."

"Please, her? She's made of rainbows. Total sweetheart. Did you know that she doesn't eat mushrooms either? She's handled too many fungal monsters. There's no way you're going to convince me that she's twisted in the head like you."

"I don't need to convince you of anything except my willingness to hurt you if you don't leave me alone," Kinga said, and Synthia shrugged and walked off to start the gossip economy of the Moon running. Kinga rolled her eyes and went the other way, to figure out what she could offer the vegetarian monster conservationist to entice her.

Donna reached Moon 13 within the hour, and she came over to hug Kinga immediately. "I love my job, but I miss being with people," she sighed, and Kinga didn't bother to fight the urge to bury her nose in Donna's messy curls.

"Hey, want to help me get one over on Synthia?" Kinga breathed into Donna's ear, and Donna snorted a laugh.

"Sure. She pranked me like eight times on tour. What's the scheme?"

"Act like we're in love," Kinga said, and Donna's snort turned into a yelp of laughter. 

"If you want affection, all you have to do is say so." She pulled back and then kissed Kinga just to the side of her lips, eyes bright with amusement behind her glasses when she looked past Kinga to find only a couple of Boneheads. "Oh, I got a jump on it."

"Come on," Kinga said, looping her arm through Donna's to lead her through Moon 13. "I heard that you don't eat mushrooms, either?"

"Fungal networks can think," Donna said, using her free hand to start illustrating her words with gestures that didn't seem to match what she was saying. "Entire forests can be connected through the mycorrhizal networks permeating the soil, carrying nutrients from one plant to another, sending chemical signals... it's really quite fascinating how the nature of a mycorrhizal network expresses itself within the much smaller and more contained body of a fungus monster."

"I bet," Kinga said. "Well, that means the portabello burger's a no-go. Pretty much your options are salads, side dishes, and sweets."

"I'll take the sweets," Donna said. "Please and thank you. I spend all my time baking monster treats and none of it baking monster conservationist treats. Give me cake for dinner and I won't be pretending I love you."

"You're food-motivated," Kinga said, and Donna cracked a smile. 

"Please, I'm treat-motivated. It doesn't have to be food, it just has to be nice."

"How about alcohol?"

"Depends on what you've got..."

"We've got a brewer on the Moon now. I remember you being a white wine woman?"

"I really hope you're not pranking me too."

"Give me a little credit!" 

"If I remember correctly, giving you a little credit results in you taking a lot of credit you haven't earned," Donna said dryly as Kinga lead her into the Moon 13 cafeteria and through to the kitchen. Donna gawked a bit at the Boneheads sitting around eating dinner as they walked past them, and offered a polite smile to the Bonehead in charge of the kitchen.

"Hey Ed, what's on the dessert menu tonight?" Kinga asked, and the head chef Bonehead pulled off his oven mitts and started pointing.

"We've got mint chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cupcakes with strawberry frosting, chocolate pudding pie, berry parfait, and of course the usual chocolate chip and snickerdoodle cookies."

"Oh my," Donna said, looking starry-eyed. "I'll have one of everything, please."

"Anything for a friend of Kinga," Ed said, more out of self-preservation than loyalty, and started pulling together a dessert plate for her. "And what's Her She-vilness having tonight?"

"Just give me a couple of snickerdoodles," Kinga said. What she really wanted was a burger, but she wasn't about to chow down on medium-rare ground dino with Donna sitting across the table from her. She stole a bottle of Cherry's white wine from the walk-in fridge, and then they took their sweets out to the cafeteria and found a table not far from where Synthia, Terry, and Max were sharing dinner. Donna glanced at them, smirked a little, and reached across the table to take Kinga's hand when they sat down.

"Thanks, dear," she said, and pulled Kinga's hand up to kiss it. Kinga tried not to laugh at the very obvious double-take Synthia and Max both made at the sight. Donna started dinner with the cookies, and Kinga propped her head on her hand and watched Donna eat with a dreamy look that was only half an act. "So, how have things been going with you? Last time I saw you in person, you hadn't even caught a test subject yet."

"Oh, they're great! The show's going fantastic, we've got sky high ratings. Well, you should know how well it's going, you were on the tour."

"So many people showed up! It was thrilling. I was delighted to have a venue to show off some of my creatures." Kinga poured Donna a glass of wine and Donna smiled at her over the rim of the glass before taking a sip. "Oh! This is very good."

"It's also super alcoholic, just to warn you." Kinga poured herself a similarly hearty glass. 

"As if that would dissuade me." 

"I said warn, not dissuade. But I won't send you back up to the Ark-3 if you're plastered. You'd try to cuddle a kaiju and get your head bitten off."

"That sounds like me," Donna agreed, and leaned in with a smirk. "Guess you'll just have to keep an eye on me until tomorrow."

"I will have to keep an eye on you, or you'll go down to Moon 14 and rile up my dinos." Kinga took a sip of her wine as Donna sighed.

"I wish you'd let me take them. Dinosaurs are meant to roam freely, not to be flame broiled and served with fries."

"We're just going to have to agree to disagree about this." 

"Oh my goodness, have you tried this?" Donna had a blissful look on her face after the first taste of the berry trifle, and she collected a bite on her fork and held it out to Kinga. "It's so good." Kinga leaned forward to accept the taste, and a sudden flurry of whispering sounded from Synthia's table. She only had to glance over to find Synthia looking confused and Max looking disheartened, and hid her smirk behind one hand as she chewed.

"Oh, that is good."

"You're lucky if you get this sort of thing whenever you want it. It's a luxury to me." 

"More reason for you to visit me again." Donna looked at Kinga over the rims of her glasses and smiled, and Kinga added, "If my sterling company isn't reason enough."

"Sterling," Donna echoed with a laugh. "That's a bold word to apply to yourself."

"What word would you use?" Casting her gaze thoughtfully upward, Donna sipped her wine slowly and then put it down with a smile.

"I don't know... instigating? Or maybe provocative."

"My provocative company?" Kinga fluttered her lashes, and Donna went a little bit pink.

"I stand by the word," she insisted, but turned her eyes back on her trifle. "Oh, incorrigible, that's another applicable one."

"Gosh, this just keeps getting better and better. I suppose your company qualifies as sterling. You altruist."

"I'm an upstanding citizen," Donna insisted, and Kinga smirked.

"Citizen of what?"

"Of my own little ship full of monsters, naturally."

"You're not a citizen of the Ark-3, you're the indisputable ruler of it."

"Does that make this a head of state visit?"

"Only after you pick a title. I'm the Queen of Moon 13, obviously."

"Hmm. Does it have to be a real title? I'm the movie monster matriarch."

"I'll allow it," Kinga said, and Donna beamed at her.

"I'm sure diplomacy would go more smoothly if it was always accompanied by wine and sweets and beautiful women." Kinga arched a brow, and Donna leaned forward slightly with a smirk. "Of course, it would go more smoothly if it was just left to women, full stop, regardless of how attractive they are."

"But you called me beautiful."

"And you are, dear," Donna chirped, reaching up to cup Kinga's cheek with a wink in the eye that Synthia couldn't see. Something clattered to the floor from that table, and Kinga hid her laugh by turning to kiss Donna's palm.

"Thanks babe. More wine?"

"Only if you take me somewhere nicer than this," Donna said, and patted her lips with a napkin. "No offense to your dining hall." 

"None taken. Come on, I have a place in mind," Kinga said, grabbing her glass and the bottle and beaming at Donna-- or maybe at the gobsmacked faces behind Donna. Donna turned to wiggle her fingers at Synthia before snagging her glass and following Kinga out of the door. As soon as it shut behind them Donna started giggling with a snort thrown in every few giggles, and Kinga cracked a moment later. "Oh my god, did you see his _face_?"

"His? I was looking at hers. Wait, I thought we were pranking Synthia."

"It was a twofer," Kinga said. "That's going to spread through the whole moon base in about four hours, the way gossip gets around here."

"Oh, so now I'll be notorious?"

"Notorious is for people like me. It's famous for people like you."

"Of course, how silly of me," Donna said, rolling her eyes. "I didn't realize I was going to have my reputation ta--mm. Linked to yours."

"Were you about to say tarnished?"

"Yes, I was."

"That's totally fair," Kinga said with a laugh, and lead Donna into an elevator. "Anyways, sterling is the anti-tarnish. You'll be fine."

"That--" Donna lifted a finger, opened her mouth, furrowed her brow, and then poked Kinga with her finger. "That's not the meaning of sterling! Didn't you take a single metallurgy class?"

"Why did _you_ take a metallurgy class if you're a biologist?"

"It was a gen ed, I wanted to cast my own jewelry! You're wrong, anyways. Stainless is anti-tarnish. Sterling refers to purity."

"Then you were definitely correct in objecting to me applying it to myself," Kinga said, and caught a finger in one of Donna's lab coat pockets to pull her closer. "So can I get you to keep acting like we're in love without eyes on us?"

"Darling, you did exactly what I said to get it to not be pretending. And I'm the one who suggested we change venue. You are bringing me to your room, right? Should I have implied that more strongly?"

"Your message came through clearly." 

"Oh good. Because I demand cuddles at the very least and I doubt you'll keep me to the very least."

**Author's Note:**

> Can I tell you when the smutty second chapter will be finished?
> 
> No. I cannot. All I can tell you is that it will, eventually, be finished, and that leaving comments is a great way to motivate me.


End file.
